Rafael García Maldonado – Escritor : Carta a Belén

Carta a Belén

Rafael García Maldonado | 01/02/2016
Captura de pantalla 2015-11-23 a las 10.11.38

Hay momentos, querida Belén, en los que uno se da cuenta de que la vida es demasiado grande, compleja y dura como para poder soportarla. Días en los que somos conscientes de que no podremos ganar nunca el combate al que se nos condena cuando, sin preguntarnos, nos traen al mundo. Es, por tanto, una batalla perdida de antemano en la que luchamos día a día: la vida nos derrotará, los malos siempre serán más que los buenos y el horror y el fanatismo siempre serán más fuertes que la bondad y la lucidez. Así ha sido siempre, y aunque no haya cosa más digna y necesaria que el optimismo y la esperanza, es probable que nunca tenga el ser humano una victoria completa frente al horror y la desgracia.

Me dicen que ha muerto tu perra Heidi, y sé que hoy vives uno de esos días tan duros y decisivos para todo ser humano. Sé de qué naturaleza es tu dolor, cómo de insoportable es esa sensación de vacío y de cólera, y por eso te estoy escribiendo a ti a través de esta carta, que a lo mejor también le sirve a alguien más, y que por eso la hago abierta.

Yo tenía la edad que tú tienes ahora cuando, literalmente, el mundo se me cayó encima y me aplastó. Hay a quien no le ocurre, no te creas, pero no pienses que tienen más suerte que nosotros. Ni mucho menos. El mundo sólo se le derrumba al que tiene la lucidez, la curiosidad y los sentimientos necesarios para preguntarse por la realidad, para interrogarse por ella, para pensar y para ser conscientes de qué maravilloso milagro es estar vivo. A los tontos, a los que no se preguntan nada, a los que no tienen corazón ni nada en la cabeza, a esos no se les cae nada encima. Las personas sensibles, querida Belén, tienen muchas cosas en contra, pero también mucho a favor. Lloran más de la cuenta, son incapaces de hacer daño y a veces sufren demasiado, pero todo eso compensa al pensar en la cantidad de días extraordinarios que siempre quedan por delante, y que el sentimental y el optimista viven con mucha más intensidad y alegría.

Pero ésta, Belén, es una carta alegre, porque no hay nada más estúpido que pasar por la vida amargado, triste y sin ilusiones. Como te decía, mi mundo se cayó y tuve que inventarme unas defensas para que esos muros de la realidad no me aplastaran la próxima vez, porque sabía que eran frágiles y que cada cierto tiempo el terremoto de la existencia iba a volver a derribarlos. ¿Sabes cuáles fueron mis pilares de contención? Los libros y los perros, entre otras pocas cosas.

Libros y perros, sí, y tú de eso sabes bastante. Me di cuenta a tu edad de que había cosas en la vida, como ésas –como el amor y la amistad-, por las que merecía la pena vivir, más allá de que al final, de alguna forma, me ganasen la partida las circunstancias adversas. Comencé a leer compulsivamente, a habitar en otros mundos mejores y más bellos, y también comprendí que existen otras compañías diferentes a las de las personas que pueden hacernos mejores, y tuve la suerte de que siendo muy joven mis padres me dejaran tener un perro. Una perra como la que se te acaba de marchar, Belén, una Heidi. La mía se llamaba Turka, y me ayudó a hacerme responsable de algo, de su vida: de sus salidas, de sus cuidados, de su alimentación, horarios, etcétera. Ella me enseñó lo que sé de la compasión y de la necesidad de afecto y compañía silenciosa. Ella me hizo mejor persona, y créeme, aunque lloré mucho cuando murió y no hay día que no me acuerde de ella, hoy la recuerdo con alegría y gratitud. Los dos nos regalamos mutuamente diez años de experiencias y cariño. ¿Qué hay mejor y más bello que eso?

Imagino lo que se te pasa ahora por la cabeza, cuántas imágenes revolotean como en una película. Porque yo mejor que nadie sé que Heidi estuvo contigo en los días malos del colegio, cuando aquella niña estúpida se rió de ti delante de los demás; sé que estuvo contigo el día que no pudiste dormir apenas porque pensabas en ese chico guapo de la clase de al lado, y aquel día del primer beso también; sé que estuvo contigo en la cama, dándote calor, el primer día que te vino la regla y tenías las cabeza echando chispas y un dolor muy extraño en la barriga; sé que estaba contigo el día que tu padre te castigó por llegar tarde y mareada el día que tomaste tus primeras copas, y también cuando, para aislarte de ese mundo que tan raro te parecía, te pasabas la tarde leyendo novelas de vampiros. Subió a tu regazo los días tan extraños en los que tus abuelos decidieron marcharse tan seguido, y te dio consuelo y algún lametón en las lágrimas. Estaba Heidi por allí, en tus brazos, cuando tu hermana mayor, tu referente, decidió irse fuera, y también cuando volvió unos años después con un novio que te regalaba libros y chocolate; y cuando fuiste a la universidad, y cuando un bebé gordito alegra tu casa ahora, quitándote a ti el puesto de ser la pequeña. También ese día estuvo contigo.

Pero siéntete orgullosa, porque yo lo estoy de ti. Hiciste hace doce años, con sólo ocho, el gesto más noble y bello que puede hacer un ser humano sobre la tierra: dar una buena vida a la que, por culpa de este mundo a menudo horrible en el que siempre ganan los malos, estaba condenada al sufrimiento o a la muerte. Tú la salvaste, tú le diste una vida buena y ella, a cambio, te convirtió en la mujer que eres ahora.

Sé que las cosas tardan en cicatrizar, y no quiero extenderme. No puedo decirte que las cosas serán fáciles y bonitas, porque a ti, que eres inteligente, no puedo ni quiero engañarte. Sólo me queda insuflarte ánimo y fuerzas para esta batalla de hoy y para las que quedan por venir. Y cómo no, me queda por contarte mi secreto, la manera que yo tengo de afrontar las pérdidas perrunas como la que tanto dolor te produce. También con los libros he superado eso, y es gracias a Ulises, acaso el primer protagonista de una obra literaria en occidente. Ulises fue a la guerra de Troya a luchar, donde estuvo muchos años junto a otros griegos, combatiendo. A su vuelta a casa, muchos años después y disfrazado de mendigo, sólo lo reconoció su viejo perro Argos. Y es entonces cuando Ulises, ya cansado del combate -pero orgulloso de haber dado batalla-, deseoso de encontrarse con su mujer y su hijo, pronuncia unas palabras inolvidables, agachado junto al anciano animal, acariciándolo:

Argos, Argos, mi fiel amigo, el más fuerte y veloz, el más noble y leal de los compañeros. Me has esperado, sí, y me has reconocido. Sólo por eso ha merecido la pena el viaje.

Haz que merezca la pena tu viaje, Belén, y sueña, como hago yo, que será Heidi la primera que te reconozca y salte de alegría cuando llegues a Ítaca.

 

 

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